Did You See That?

Glenn Grandy (left) and Mark Parsons (right) sprint for the finish line at the Robbie Burns 8 km Road Race, January 18, 2002.
Glenn Grandy (left) and Mark Parsons (right) sprint for the finish line at
the Robbie Burns 8 km Road Race, January 18, 2002.

Photos by Barry Gray - Hamiilton Spectator, January 23, 2002
The crappy scanning job is my fault.

"Hey Mark, did you see that?" said a fellow clubbie standing on the side lines, watching the runners pound down the final 100 meters to finish line.

"See… What?" I said between gasps for air. I had just finished my race and was walking off the effects of pushing my limits.

"Did you see the guys with the canoes?"

"Guys with… Canoes?"

It's the annual Burlington Runners' Robbie Burns road race, held in the middle of January. In Canada that usually means the thick layer of ice on to of the water makes the paddling a little tough. It's also common knowledge that I'm a back woods camper that has paddled a mile or two, so of course I'm an expert on human propelled watercraft.

"Were where they taking the canoes? It's too cold for that nonsense around here," I asked.

"They weren't taking them anywhere, they were running the race with them!" says my informant.

"Yeah, right." I'm assuming that the gent in question has been out in the cold too long or has been nipping at the single malt, celebrating the poet's birthday.

Now, I've done some stupid stunts during a run myself. Heck, I had just finished running the race in a Gordon tartan kilt. But no one in his or her right mind would try and complete an eight-kilometre race running with a canoe on their shoulders, would they?

Guess what? I was wrong. Two fearless fools started at the back of the pack with the intention to "portage" their canoes over the entire distance. When asked why, Glenn Grandy and Mark Parsons told the reporter that to run with the canoes was "a last minute thought". Mark phoned Glenn and said, "We're going for a run. Get your canoe ready."

And you know what the worst part of it was? Out of the 650 participants, they finished ahead of 50 runners. Imagine being passed in the last kilometre by two guys each carrying a canoe. This is one impressive effort, but there is no need to rub it in.

This is one totally crazy thing to do. Of course they got their photos in the local paper, a very impressive one of them "sprinting" through to the finish.

The first thought that occurs to me is "Wow, that's one hell of a portage." I've done my share of long portages carrying the big pack and the canoe, but the longest one I've done was about 6 kilometres long, never mind running one. However, you don't expect to be doing much running with a fifty-pound pack and a forty-pound canoe on your shoulders.

Why do we do these things? I've got a few ideas. For runners like me, who run in the middle or back of the pack, rare will be a call to the podium to accept a medal. If we want any chance at hardware, we pray for that race where no one shows up in our age category.

So for the guys and girls that a first place finish is just a dream, what do we do? We find ways to make our own mark. It's one way to raise the bar without natural ability that is gifted to the leaders. It's the same reason that the Guinness Book of Records is so popular. It's the only way that your average Joe or Jean is going to make the record book.

So, what's next for these wild and crazy guys? Mark Parson's said that the Robbie Burns was just "a warm up for the Around The Bay."

Now that, I have to see.

Note: Mark Parsons finished 2002 edition of the Hamilton Around The Bay 30 km in 2:24:12. I doubt he was carrying the canoe this time.

I didn't find a finish time for Glenn Grady. Maybe he's still out there portaging.

Just to prove that I do run the race in a kilt, here is some photographic proof from the 2001 Robbie Burns Road Race.

I'm posing here with Toronto Longboat member and friend, Farside Al. He may be sportin' a better sporin, but I'm wearing a way-bonnie hat.
I'm posing here with Toronto Longboat member and friend, Farside Al.
He may be sportin' a better sporin, but I'm wearing a way-bonnie hat.

 

I'm a-gasping for breath just few feet after the finish line in the 2002 Robbie Burns 8 k.
I'm a-gasping for breath just few feet after the finish line in the 2002 Robbie Burns 8 k.
Please note the race sweat shirt from two years previous.

By Mark G. Collis

Revised: December 24, 2003.