Spurred on by a comment made on the TriRudy list as to just who is a "real triathlete", I compiled this list of humourus answers to the question, "You might be a Triathlete if... "

Applogies to Jeff Foxworthy and the many people that I "borrowed" these quotes from.

For the record, I'm guilty on at least half of them. Ok, most of them.

You Might Be a Triathlete If...

• You know how many seconds it takes to legally pass another rider.

• You know who else is at the race by the bikes racked up in transition.

• When you approach a hill, you try to decide what would hurt more, running up it, or biking up it.

• You tell your friends you are taking the day off, but you still go into work.

• Your idea of fun is self-inflicted pain.

• You know how cold 76f / 24c degree water temperature is.

• The most important discussion during a workout is where to eat after.

• You are happy Santa brought you a Garmin 205 instead of a diamond tennis bracelet.

• You always have sun screen, extra sunglasses, hats, towels, water and a bike repair kit in your car.

• You plan your race schedule for the year in January.

• You know how many calories are in a Powerbar, gel pack and sport drink.

• You're the only one at the hotel resort swimming pool wearing goggles and a swim cap.

• You use Pam on your body instead of in the kitchen.

• You have to look at the race calendar before you schedule a vacation.

• If you've ever gone for a two-hour ride and spent the whole time staring at your thumbs.

• You or your spouse have ever asked the question, "Honey, does this wetsuit make me look fat?"

• If you feel like you are cheating yourself by not doing a 30 minute run after your bike ride home from swimming.

• If you're not afraid to talk to the opposite sex about shaving or bikini-waxing techniques.

• If your bike is worth more than your car.

• You no longer take vacations but weekend triathlon junkets.

• You have far more pairs of shoes in your closet than your non-tri spouse does.

• The one "suit" you own has a QR or Nineteen on the chest.

• Your bedroom has the "swim pile", the "bike pile" and the "run pile".

• You bring bottled water to a party so that you're properly hydrated for the next morning's long run.

• Everyone else at the party also brought their own bottled water.

• Everyone at the party shows up by 7:00 PM and leaves before 11:00 PM.

• You wear your bathing suit under your work clothes to make a fast transition from work to swim on your lunch hour.

• You name your two new puppies Kona and Hawaii.

• You show up at the neighborhood pool on your bike in a speedo and embarrass your teenage daughters.

• You feel like you took the day off because all you did was swim 3000 metres.

• You usually wake up at 4:00 in the morning but do not get to work until way after 9:00.

• You’re more likely to let your kids stay outside than your bike.

• You prefer Timex to Rolex.

• Hammer is a training term not a “fixing” tool.

• You know IM doesn't mean instant messenger.

• Your garage looks like a transition area on race day.

• You have a seperate bag for your swim gear, bike gear, and run gear.

• You have a spandex outfit that matches your bike which also matches your wheelset.

• You fill your kids’ water bottles with Cytomax or Gatorade instead of Koolade.

• You use the words “only” and “10k” in the same sentence.

• You know Lake Placid, Panama City and Coeur d’Alene aren’t cities, they are races.

• You tell the local running club you are a little slow because you did a long bike ride the day before.

• You tell the local cycling club you are a little slow because you did a track workout the day before.

• You tell your Master’s Swim team that you are a little slow because you haven’t spent much time working on your stroke lately as you have been focusing on your biking and running.

• You hope that these three groups never meet.

• Your legs are tanned only to mid-thigh.

• You can tell your significant other with a straight face that its too hot to mow the lawn, and then take off to ride a century.

• The first thing you ask when you regain consciousness is, “How’s my bike?”

• 6 AM is sleeping in.

• You really do look better in shorts than in long pants.

• You don’t need to paint your toenails; they’re already different colors.

• No-one believes you when you say “Never Again”.

• You have more swim caps and goggles than the local Speedo shop.

• You’d rather someone steal your car than your bike.

• People look at you strangely when you tell them you “only rode 80 kilometres today”

• You’ve mistakenly applied Body Glide instead of deodorant.

• You know precisely what size of wet suit, running shoe, bike shoe fits you to the exact half size.

• Your refrigerator has more sports drinks than beer.

• An easy swim is any distance less than 1500 metres.

• You’re favorite bar has the word “power”, “cliff”, “energy” and not “Cheers”

• You’ve had a recent conversation that contained the words, Aero, PB, PR, Split, diarrhea, rack, goggles, non-stick Pam, butt burn, black toe nail and Bento.


 

By Mark G. Collis

Revised: January 19, 2008.